How to be annoying in public (1)

In the bank

  1. Don’t queue up alongside other Bank customers and when someone voices their displeasure, just say ‘Do you know who I am?’ when the person says, ‘_and who do you think you are?’ Or ‘Who you be?’ Tell them, ‘I will show you today. How dare you?’
  2. Don’t take a pen along. When you walk into the bank, quickly take a person’s pen as their attempting to write, saying ‘Sorry, just a second’.
  3. Crowd on a fellow customer’s space by standing too close, probably talking too loud, while receiving a call.
  4. Complain all through about everything, right as soon as you walk in, till you walk out.
  5. Take too long in engaging the cashier when you are aware that the queue is getting longer.
  6. Misplace a fellow customer’s pen and explain to the person that ‘It is one of those things. It happens’.
  7. Don’t follow basic instructions when you’re told to input your details on a receipt or in a register.
  8. When the Bank door keeps refusing you entry because of your bunch of keys and phone(s), don’t listen to the security attendant. Argue with him and refuse to budge from your spot ‘ I came here first, so if I can’t enter, nobody can. Mbam!’
  9. Seat on a space for two and refuse to adjust. You know people are standing_ a lot of people.
  10. Start a scene with the bank cashier or a fellow customer. Refuse to be placated.

    In the bus

    1. Sneeze or cough on your hand.
    2. Refuse to adjust for others to sit comfortably
    3. Refuse to pay. Insult the Driver and the Conductor.
    4. Pick your nose and rub it on the chairs or roof of the commercial bus or on your clothes.
    5. Rest your head and elbows against the passenger sitting just ahead.
    6. Spit and snort in displeasure, which is often.
    7. Engage in a silent battle of wheels; tussling and shoving rather unnoticeably.
    8. Dig your knees into a passenger’s bottoms and yell outrageously when they voice their complaint, cursing and being childish in general.
    9. Grumble about somebody or something and when the passenger you’re supposed to be grumbling with ignores you, hiss loudly and mumble about the person.
    10. Snob whoever is engaging you in the bus, especially when it concerns a newspaper you are reading on sports, politics, economy or religion! Then again it might be better to shut it.

    In a crowd

    1. Fart and pretend, by cursing vehemently whoever caused such discomfort in a stuffy place.
    2. Shove people out of your way without apologizing.
    3. It is a crowd. A crowd is annoying, when you don’t need one.

    How Nigerian movies used to disappoint

    The Nigerian movie industry has been around for a long time and has been through thick and thin, even till this day. Though there are some Nigerian movies that still exhibit most of the things listed below, there are a lot of our movies that say otherwise and could probably be described as puurfect. This isn’t particularly a recent trend, but i still want to share this.
    1. They are too dramatic- facial expressions are too exaggerated. We know you’re trying to poison your wife,

    Continue reading “How Nigerian movies used to disappoint”

    How PHCN messes us up and why we should concentrate on another power source. 

    They have gone by several names: NEPA,  PHCN, DISCOS and so on.  Some of us still call them NEPA, others PHCN and the well informed will go ahead to give you the gritty details. There has been a lot of incidents regarding the power distribution companies of Nigeria, some uttered or pondered with mixed feelings. Here are some ways they mess with Nigerian citizens.

    1. PHCN causes depression – Natural lighting has a calming effect on human moods and emotions; absence of light and/or poor artificial lightning can trigger depression. Continue reading “How PHCN messes us up and why we should concentrate on another power source. “