How to be annoying in public (1)

In the bank

  1. Don’t queue up alongside other Bank customers and when someone voices their displeasure, just say ‘Do you know who I am?’ when the person says, ‘_and who do you think you are?’ Or ‘Who you be?’ Tell them, ‘I will show you today. How dare you?’
  2. Don’t take a pen along. When you walk into the bank, quickly take a person’s pen as their attempting to write, saying ‘Sorry, just a second’.
  3. Crowd on a fellow customer’s space by standing too close, probably talking too loud, while receiving a call.
  4. Complain all through about everything, right as soon as you walk in, till you walk out.
  5. Take too long in engaging the cashier when you are aware that the queue is getting longer.
  6. Misplace a fellow customer’s pen and explain to the person that ‘It is one of those things. It happens’.
  7. Don’t follow basic instructions when you’re told to input your details on a receipt or in a register.
  8. When the Bank door keeps refusing you entry because of your bunch of keys and phone(s), don’t listen to the security attendant. Argue with him and refuse to budge from your spot ‘ I came here first, so if I can’t enter, nobody can. Mbam!’
  9. Seat on a space for two and refuse to adjust. You know people are standing_ a lot of people.
  10. Start a scene with the bank cashier or a fellow customer. Refuse to be placated.

    In the bus

    1. Sneeze or cough on your hand.
    2. Refuse to adjust for others to sit comfortably
    3. Refuse to pay. Insult the Driver and the Conductor.
    4. Pick your nose and rub it on the chairs or roof of the commercial bus or on your clothes.
    5. Rest your head and elbows against the passenger sitting just ahead.
    6. Spit and snort in displeasure, which is often.
    7. Engage in a silent battle of wheels; tussling and shoving rather unnoticeably.
    8. Dig your knees into a passenger’s bottoms and yell outrageously when they voice their complaint, cursing and being childish in general.
    9. Grumble about somebody or something and when the passenger you’re supposed to be grumbling with ignores you, hiss loudly and mumble about the person.
    10. Snob whoever is engaging you in the bus, especially when it concerns a newspaper you are reading on sports, politics, economy or religion! Then again it might be better to shut it.

    In a crowd

    1. Fart and pretend, by cursing vehemently whoever caused such discomfort in a stuffy place.
    2. Shove people out of your way without apologizing.
    3. It is a crowd. A crowd is annoying, when you don’t need one.
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    Tips on spiritual nudge

    ​Until  we  become  spirit-conscious,  we  will  not  be  able  to understand  what  God  is  saying  to  our  spirits.  Spiritual things  will be indistinct.  But the more  spirit-conscious  we  become,  the  more real  the  leading  of the Lord will be to us.

             – How you can know the will of God, Kenneth E. Hagin

    Living in a city like Lagos is tedious. You ask yourself, ‘Is there any such thing like rest in Lagos?’ A good question: The weekday’s morning rush, Lagos traffic, office stress, end of the day’s exhaustion, landlord wahala and other unmentioned things. Everyone is moving towards something, regardless of the pace. Business tycoons are earning more money by the hour, emotional awareness is on the rise, regarding domestic violence, more people are seen in the early hours of the day, exercising and there are the few, who get the privilege of media attention for getting CGPA’s of 5.0, and the first successful kidney transplant was done (not the first in the world), in the South Eastern part of Nigeria. Most religious people attend Church very often in a week, but the same can’t be said for the the other Judases, who have forsaken the gathering of the brethren. You are limited to just attending Church on Sunday and the snippets of verse crumbs you’re able to grasp and the most important question arises: ‘How do I get my spiritual nudge?’ or when do I get my spiritual nudge?’ In another case you are not that busy, but you don’t know how. These are a few tips to spiritual awareness, awakeness or nudge:

    1. Seek God and his salvation.
    2. Pray
    3. Sing praises and worship
    4. Maintain holiness.
    5. Read the scriptures.
    6. Study the word and keep it in your heart.
    7. Your words are your heart’s thoughts.
    8. Be patient.
    9. Be peaceful and consistent in your search for peace.
    10. Bring out good works through your actions.

    These can be challenging, when you’re in a five hour traffic and the passenger sitting behind you has their knee digging your buttocks or the driver ahead is gisting  or pressing their phone, instead of paying attention to the moving lane, but it is possible.

             Never forsake the gathering of the brethren.

    JOB/CAREER IDEAS FOR THE NIGERIAN YOUTH

    At times past, people always wanted to just be doctors, lawyers and engineers. Now, we cut ourselves some slack. Some parents no longer disown their children for being musicians, actors and so on. Of course, most of these ideas involve capital, the main issue of our youth. In conclusion, youths have ideas, but the problem is capital. All the same here we go.

    1. Water production- what might pop up when you see this is ‘so cliche’ or related thoughts with that sour expression. In some northern parts of Nigeria you could invest in drinking water, especially chilled or iced. You might want to visit to get a feel of what you want to get into. Just one day in some hot, dusty land is enough to make you discover how important chilled water can be. Believe it or not, one of the issues we face in Nigeria is water pollution, so people rely on the drinking water they buy. Even in Lagos, which is near the coast, it comes as a surprise that the water is not potable. This brings us to water plant (if you want to dream big and actually accomplish this with capital). You could name your water corporation, register your business name and boom! You have arrived? After maybe, a series of setbacks, but it is all about the light at the end of the tunnel. Haha, look at the bright side ehn.

    2. Driver- you’re like, ‘this is sick, i will never be a bus driver or a cab driver’ but you see, you can always tush things up. You could have a car services agency! Get a good vehicle, advertise your company on the newspaper after assembling your team, leave your contact (get a card). This way people can order your services for a period of time for a set price given by you. Professionalism is very vital.

    http://www.naijataxi.com/platinum-riders/

    3. Private investigator- who says you need a degree in criminology. Nothing goes without research though, so research properly on what this entails. You don’t really need to pay office rent for that or maybe you do. A coffee maker might be handy to keep you charged (don’t become an addict o. Like ‘Sontom when are you going to get a job?’ And you’re like ‘i’m a PI, just sipping some coffee to keep me charged’ but you’re sipping more coffee than you’re PIing. You’re saying right now that you can’t be a PI out of the blue, but you can, following the necessary step. Show the law enforcement and our democracy that you can do better, and who knows? You can find yourself working hand in hand, when it comes to apprehending criminals and enforcing the law.

    A private investigator investigates a lot of things from secretly investigating the sharks of society to investigating why a building collapsed, or who is cheating on who or who poisoned the well; you know what i mean?
    This is a stew you leave to simmer. Yum yum.

    4. Supplier- imagine a van that transports goods from manufacturers to the wholesaler, retailer and consumer. This isn’t a new trend. It has been going on for a long time. Join the team and make a change. Tush things up like ‘wellington swift services’. Transportation could be by any means: a van, a bus, a car, a motorcycle. In addition, get a notebook. This should be for the receiver’s signature. Records are very important, especially for reference purposes.

    Supply type: tomatoes- tick.

    Intact goods- tick or cross.

    Package type: basket- tick

    Places your transport services company can work with could ne newspaper companies, markets, farms. Get a card, open a website where half of Nigeria can register their address or whoever you’re supplying too and begin. Discretion and quality assurance is important though.

    5. Build your own social media- Nigerians love to connect and interract. Try to be unique and innovative about it. Perhaps a forum update on news. Add something new to what we have never seen before.

    6. Create a website- Nigerian youths need a platform to advertise their expertise. For example artists that need to sell their works,  people that want to render services (editors, consultancy services etcetera). OLX is a good example.

    7. Have your own broadcasting station- you could start on YouTube. Go around the city, town or village and talk about what’s happening.  Talk about housing, standard of living, resources, other people’s success, inspiring personalities in the community, people of service (an individual that decides independently to fix the road, a good road warden that is very dedicated, a crime fighter in the street), construction companies, interview market women. The list is endless. Get a crew, maybe a van and broadcasting equipment. You could just be a bunch of undergraduates delving in journalism. Investigative journalism is cool.

    8. Inventor- Let’s face it, where are we going with the constant fuel scarcity? Fuel is not the only energy source in terms of generator usage. Some people use urine in desperate situations (you’re crinkling your nose). Invent a generator that makes use of waste (probably converting it first) like dustbin heaps. This will get these off the street, villages,  cities, and waters. Generators aren’t the only things you can invent. Think of yourself as a kind of architect that builds things that aren’t buildings, but most certainly needed in society and economy friendly.

    9. Vehicle towing company- This says it all. You tow vehicles off the roads. You know those people that will park their vehicles at the middle of the road and just go. Do something.  We need faster services (never mind the traffic. Applicable not only in Lagos)

    10. Firefighting company- unlike ghost busters, you’re just killing the fire.

    Make sure to follow necessary procedures and watch out for the next ideas coming your way.

    How Nigerian movies used to disappoint

    The Nigerian movie industry has been around for a long time and has been through thick and thin, even till this day. Though there are some Nigerian movies that still exhibit most of the things listed below, there are a lot of our movies that say otherwise and could probably be described as puurfect. This isn’t particularly a recent trend, but i still want to share this.
    1. They are too dramatic- facial expressions are too exaggerated. We know you’re trying to poison your wife,

    Continue reading “How Nigerian movies used to disappoint”

    To scrap or not to scrap: why you should love scrapbooking.

    So it occurred to me out of the blue that I had this scrapbook, where I pasted clips and pictures, and I decided to share it with you. A scrapbook is a book that contains memorabilia. In 15th century England, common place books became popular (because they included a compilation of information like recipes, quotations, letters, poems and so on). Continue reading “To scrap or not to scrap: why you should love scrapbooking.”

    The ‘Madness’ Of The Wide Sargasso Sea 

    Jean Rhys makes you love Antoinette Cosway, a Coulibri heiress. Jean Rhys’ book is captivating, especially the curious title ‘Wide Sargasso Sea’s. The Sargasso Sea is located in the North Atlantic Ocean. It has no land boundaries and can be distinguished by a characteristic brown Sargassum seaweed and mostly calm, blue water. Antoinette Cosway is a rich character plagued by dark things, who finally gets consumed by Madness. A lot has been said on this book by a lot of book reviewers, therefore this isn’t exactly a book review. 

    Continue reading “The ‘Madness’ Of The Wide Sargasso Sea “

    How PHCN messes us up and why we should concentrate on another power source. 

    They have gone by several names: NEPA,  PHCN, DISCOS and so on.  Some of us still call them NEPA, others PHCN and the well informed will go ahead to give you the gritty details. There has been a lot of incidents regarding the power distribution companies of Nigeria, some uttered or pondered with mixed feelings. Here are some ways they mess with Nigerian citizens.

    1. PHCN causes depression – Natural lighting has a calming effect on human moods and emotions; absence of light and/or poor artificial lightning can trigger depression. Continue reading “How PHCN messes us up and why we should concentrate on another power source. “